My last post was about energizing a positive outcome and letting Spirit do its work vs. energizing worry. In particular, I was worrying about my cat being out all night for the first time. That was last Monday.
Since then I’ve had a big forgiveness opportunity every other day. This is good news for me as I speed up my journey to Peace and Joy. However, the emotional ride is a doozie!
In fact he DID stay out all night and I tried really hard to energize love and light and protection for him every time I awoke in the night with worry staring me in the eyes. There was an undercurrent of worry and anxiety throughout the process. Even thought I kept my thoughts higher, that undercurrent was ever present.
I was able to watch my mind as it worked on those two levels and found it fascinating (and very trying!) What a condition to be in, i.e., being human! The mind travels a well worn path of worry in such situations even though it is being told by its Higher Self to think positive thoughts. This seems like classic Ego vs. Higher Self stuff.
It makes me feel so much more compassion for the rest of humanity. We are all undergoing this daily fight with ourselves to choose worry or positivity.
On Wednesday, two days later, a problem arose at work. One of our customers was very unhappy with me. I could not help taking it personally and feeling very bad indeed. It was blatantly obvious when she came into the office that she was already very unhappy and low because of something else. She just wanted an outlet for her anger and she subconsciously chose me.
I told myself that this was my projection and it was somehow good for me to experience this. Again, trying hard to walk my talk! But it sure felt like hell. Giving it up to Spirit and focusing on other things helped a bit. By the next morning, I had it entirely forgiven. (It is my theory that the mind and body need to “reboot” overnight with sleep to let the forgiveness settle in.) I called the customer up to give her the answer she had asked for and she was a new woman: gracious, lovely and thankful.
This is exactly what A Course in Miracles says: change yourself first and you’ll change the world.
Again, another opportunity to heal myself came yesterday. My husband pre-ordered the new Microsoft Surface Pro 2 last month. He received an email saying the order would cancel if he didn’t update his payment info. I at least didn’t take his anger personally, because I knew he couldn’t be mad at me, although it looked like that. Instead, after spending 1.5 hours on the phone with Microsoft, a good bit of my morning was gone. I HATE WASTING TIME. My weekends are incredibly precious to me. This issue had eaten up so much of my precious weekend. I burst into tears and wailed in frustration for about 5 minutes. It was emotionally draining. Poor me: a victim of TIME and CIRCUMSTANCE.
Even as I was bewailing my problem, my Higher Self was saying, this too is a forgiveness opportunity and it good for me. I knew it would pass and I’d receive the healing but in the moment, it’s just not possible to feel the happiness. Not without repeated practice of trying to hear only the Higher Self/Spirit Voice. My mind is still not strong enough to hear only the Higher Voice.
The issue came up again in the middle of the night when my (supposedly silent) mobile phone vibrated with a message from my husband showing the order had been CANCELLED. After all that wasted time, it STILL got cancelled!!! Imagine my rage – at 2am! Why, why, why, why, why???
After 1/2 hour of giving it up to Spirit, I fell asleep. This in itself is evidence of huge progress to me. Able to let it go in 30 minutes? In the past this would have kept me up all night. I awoke refreshed and ready to take Microsoft on. As it turns out, it was a system error that cancelled the order and we will receive the Surface on time. Amazing.